Terms of Endearment

For a long time now I’ve been noticing this thing called "love" happening amongst my youths - both here in Sibu n’ in the US. Sometimes I wonder how valid this "love" is. I’m not condemning the love thing altogether…but looking around…I wonder if it’s worth it?

    Honestly, to say that you "love" someone at the age of 15 or 16…just somehow seems ridiculous to me. Once again, there are some out there who just might experience it then…but notice…SOME. At that age…one is just starting to discover what it means to be a teenager…some starting to discover their true selves…while some still hiding under the masks of "insecurity". Yet…in this jumble of confusion…somehow they think that they’ve found "love". Really?? I would like to put it more as a crush…or puppy love.

    I mean…honestly…look at the word "love". Love is not a thing for you and I to show off…to meddle around with…to simply throw it at one’s face. Indeed…it seems like a lot of us (myself at that age too)…tend to take love as an element of "arrogance". YES…it’s nice to feel the cuddle and warmth of someone in your arms…and to be able to go around school as this "couple"…but at the raw age of 16 or even 17…what is the basis of your love?? Many will answer…"first love mahhhh"….and more will add to that "first love always just to try mah…won’t marry one". OK…that sounds like a reasonable answer to most people…but then…once again what is the basis of that love? EVEN if it is their first love…where are you taking this love to? Are you going to be able to move it to the next level should this "love" become a reality??

    At that age…one is still thinking about finishing high school….getting through SPM…worrying about college and universities. Moreover…he is only approaching the forming years of a young adult…bordering teenhood at most times. Ultimately…the question to ask is…are you ready to take this feeling of "love" seriously? In the Y-generation…love has become something so casual….that one can love today…and hate tomorrow. LOVE is a sacred thing…which one should only delve into when the time is right. But in our modern society…love is splashed everywhere…from kids as young as 12 y.o. already claiming to have a bf/gf!! Golly…my only question to them is…how long are you going to culture this "love"…and maintaining it at the same level…stagnant?? 12 y.o. ….say u get married at 20 y.o.  …..8 years??!?! IMPOSSIBLE….

   It is important to understand that taking the word "love" and putting it into action takes a lot more than just hand holding…cuddling…enjoying each other’s company…kissing…making out…blah blah blah. It’s a question of commitment. Are you able to maintain this relationship? Where do you see yourself…and your partner in 2 years? Is the question of marriage even considerable in this relationship? Are you ready to support and build a family of your own? And most importantly…do you see yourself being with this person 10 years from now? All these are heavy and thought-provoking questions…which can easily take your breath away if you are 16 or 17. But in reality…that is what love is all about. If you answer "NO" to most of these questions…then PLEASE…leave "love" in the box until you are ready to take it and use it WISELY.

    And basically…these questions are answers to many questions that I’ve encountered with my kids. "why is he so cold with our relationship?" …"why is she so demanding?"…"he doesn’t think of us…it’s all about him everytime."…."she doesn’t understand my needs at all."….."we always have to go through arguments and fights before coming to a conclusion or decision."….and many many more. The only thing I can answer back…are with the questions that I’ve posed earlier….to them. They are barely finishing high school….each still looking at their future…not knowing what will happen….each still dependent on their parents to support them….and each barely being able to survive out in the world without feeling that they’re being "pinned to the corner". And yet…here they are…walking hand in hand…claiming to be a couple. How ridiculous is that???!? I don’t mean to be criticizing…or sniding at them…but rather…sympathizing with them…because our generation…has become such a corrupt one…especially in the realms of the thing called "love"…that unconsciously…we are increasing the population of the world and causing global warming at such high rates….

     And yet these are the same people that say,"Why China and India…don’t practice family planning (BIRTH CONTROL)…no wonder overpopulated…no wonder world climate changing."

    AHEM…all I can say is…EXAMINE YOUR OWN SELF FIRST…BEFORE COMMENTING AND JUDGING ON OTHERS.

   It’s almost the end of my vacation…and getting closer to the 10th of August….yesssssss…I’ll be on the long and dreaded journey back to Houston. This trip back to Sibu has indeed been an interesting one. OKAY…i’m not gonna lie…it’s been kinda boring actually…LOL. Partly cuz most of my friends are scattered around M’sia n’ da rest of da world…still attending that thing called "college". Nevertheless…I’ve had a good time back home…I didn’t really mind the boredom cuz I got to spend time with my family…and relatives. Something I did not do enough of in the past…hehe!

   But as the clock continues ticking…my heart grows heavier and heavier. When I was buying my ticket to come back…I thought…Aug. 10…too long gua…nothing to do ehhh…but nowwww…I wanna postpone my trip back….!! buT..darN…it’s too expensive to pay all da penalty for da ticket changes…argH! It’s frustrating…I don’t like this feeling…but it’s inevitable. The phrase "home is where the heart is"…just sounds so true right now…and I just wish that I did NOT have to go…hahahaa…i wish! Sibu has been fun this time around. I got to meet ppl…make amends (i hope i did)…and rekindle old memories. Time just seems to fly by really fast…and someone asked me just the other day, "are you planning on coming back to sibu anytime soon…or to work?"…errrrrrrrr….i was speechless for a moment…I had not given it that much of a thought…though my last reality check…reminded me that the profession that I’m headed for…requires for me to reside in the US permanently. I had never given it a long thinking b4 this…and suddenly this feeling of uneasiness dawned on me. Maybe…I do want to come back…maybe i do want to start a family here…maybe i don’t like the idea of staying in the US….permanently….and gazillion more questions rushed through my mind. But in the end….I pushed them all aside…and decided that…only God would know my future. I had nearly forgotten…that there is somebody more powerful…than i…me…myself…! God is in total control…so what’s the point of sitting there…worrying and pondering…and making myself all fidgetty…and downhearted…over something that i don’t even know its validity…it’s outcome. Hmph…sometimes…I think we as humans…tend to take things into our hands so much…and worry over things that need not be worried about…cuz after all..God is in-charge. I’m starting to learn this…especially when it comes to the Youth Worship. After all….I’m only back here for 3 months…what’s da point of worrying…and thinking so much…cuz it’s gonna go on…regardless if i’m here or not….rite?

     Hahaha…I can’t believe i’ve been writing so much…and i wonder how much of this has meaning…LOL. All i can say is…I surrender to God. I’ve had enough of "me, me, me"…cuz  being self-centered…leads to nothing but self-vanity…and eventually corruption of one’s own personality. Hmm…don’t u think?