Almost time…
It’s almost the end of my vacation…and getting closer to the 10th of August….yesssssss…I’ll be on the long and dreaded journey back to Houston. This trip back to Sibu has indeed been an interesting one. OKAY…i’m not gonna lie…it’s been kinda boring actually…LOL. Partly cuz most of my friends are scattered around M’sia n’ da rest of da world…still attending that thing called "college". Nevertheless…I’ve had a good time back home…I didn’t really mind the boredom cuz I got to spend time with my family…and relatives. Something I did not do enough of in the past…hehe!
But as the clock continues ticking…my heart grows heavier and heavier. When I was buying my ticket to come back…I thought…Aug. 10…too long gua…nothing to do ehhh…but nowwww…I wanna postpone my trip back….!! buT..darN…it’s too expensive to pay all da penalty for da ticket changes…argH! It’s frustrating…I don’t like this feeling…but it’s inevitable. The phrase "home is where the heart is"…just sounds so true right now…and I just wish that I did NOT have to go…hahahaa…i wish! Sibu has been fun this time around. I got to meet ppl…make amends (i hope i did)…and rekindle old memories. Time just seems to fly by really fast…and someone asked me just the other day, "are you planning on coming back to sibu anytime soon…or to work?"…errrrrrrrr….i was speechless for a moment…I had not given it that much of a thought…though my last reality check…reminded me that the profession that I’m headed for…requires for me to reside in the US permanently. I had never given it a long thinking b4 this…and suddenly this feeling of uneasiness dawned on me. Maybe…I do want to come back…maybe i do want to start a family here…maybe i don’t like the idea of staying in the US….permanently….and gazillion more questions rushed through my mind. But in the end….I pushed them all aside…and decided that…only God would know my future. I had nearly forgotten…that there is somebody more powerful…than i…me…myself…! God is in total control…so what’s the point of sitting there…worrying and pondering…and making myself all fidgetty…and downhearted…over something that i don’t even know its validity…it’s outcome. Hmph…sometimes…I think we as humans…tend to take things into our hands so much…and worry over things that need not be worried about…cuz after all..God is in-charge. I’m starting to learn this…especially when it comes to the Youth Worship. After all….I’m only back here for 3 months…what’s da point of worrying…and thinking so much…cuz it’s gonna go on…regardless if i’m here or not….rite?
Hahaha…I can’t believe i’ve been writing so much…and i wonder how much of this has meaning…LOL. All i can say is…I surrender to God. I’ve had enough of "me, me, me"…cuz being self-centered…leads to nothing but self-vanity…and eventually corruption of one’s own personality. Hmm…don’t u think?
