gosH…
darN…time flies by really fast…it felt like only not too long ago that I was back home in Sibu..and now it’s almost the end of the year. It has been a crazy semester…busy busy busy…no time for MYSELF…absolutely none…gosH! Have not written anything in here for a long time too…lol. Anywayzz…finally have some time to actually sit down and not worry about work or classes or my kids…just focus on plain ol’ me. Thanksgiving is coming up this Thursday…mmm…can’t wait for the feast…turkey…pumpkin pie…mashed potatoes…green bean caserole…stuffing….golly golly golly…my mouth is watering already :)~
But anywayzzz…this semester has really taught me a lot….and made me think a lot too…especially on the value of life. Starting my internship at the clinic…I thought it would be a fun experience…but looking back at the past 14 weeks…I have learnt to appreciate myself for who I am a whole lot better. Stepping through those huge brown doors every morning brings you a totally different experience…and each day is a new beginning to life…as well as an end for some. A lot of times we take things for granted. Our health, our family, our beliefs, our values, and our religion. Too many a times we just brush things aside and think that we will conquer it tomorrow. We linger and enjoy life as if the world is never to end. And a lot of times, people are taken by surprise when the end comes to them. By then, when it dawns on them that their days are limited…only then do they realize that there are so many things that they want to do…wish that they could do…or regret not doing. While it is easy for me to point this out as a spectator…it is indeed a totally different perspective being that person. As I reflect on my life, I too realized that there are way too many things that I’ve been pushing aside to be done on a later date (…tomorrow…next month…when I start working…etc.).
Yes…of course I don’t mean that I should be rushing into everything…but rather on things that really matter to you…like your faith…family…etc. Of course…some things are worth waiting…and SHOULD NOT be rushed into…I mean…just because now I know my life may end at any time…I decide to marry the next girl I see on the street. NOoooo…that’s not my point. Things like your faith…your family…things that actually have a value in your life…those things we should not procrastinate on. "naHhh…I’ll go to church when I’ve retired…I’ll concentrate on building up my wealth first"…what makes a person think that he will live that long? Maybe the next moment…a car could run him/her over and be killed instantly. What then about his salvation? He is condemned to hell for eternity. These past 14 weeks has indeed woken me up and slapped me with reality…that life is not for me to decide…but ultimately it lies in God’s hands. He decides if he wants me to stay on…or if He wants to snatch it away…there is no way of knowing when that day will come. A lot of times, people don’t realize the impact of death until one is hit with a traumatizing event or catastrophe…and only then do they start to fear death and what comes after that.
Going back to my previous blog, the lady died knowing she would be going to Heaven. She had the salvation and the assurance of God. Sometimes I wonder, what if she had not been Christian? How would it have been for her then? At least, for those who die instantly, they are spared the agony of wondering what would happen to them…but a lot of times…people suffer a tremendous amount before they pass on. I guess the hardest part for me was to see the suffering endured by my patients who had terminal illnesses - cancer as an example. Old Mr. C has lung cancer and is at the terminal stage. His final diagnosis puts him at only 3 months to live. And when I saw him everyday, I could see the pain and anguish that he was going through - not only the physical pain (having 6 to 7 different tubes coming in and out of his body, tonnes of medication, radiation therapy, difficulty breathing, etc.), but also the emotional and spiritual pain of emptiness, regret and the fear of death. When you see someone like that every single day…and one morning when you walk through that door…and you see an empty bed on row 7, bed #8…the impact of it all is a mindblowing one. Often times, we are told to stay "emotionally-detached" from our patients…but in a situation like this…how can one not be affected? I could be the one lying there…going through the exact same situation. I find it a blessing in disguise…because I believe that God is trying to "wake me up"…and through this old man’s suffering…I too can make the right decisions.
My dear friends and brothers n’ sisters in Christ…I pray that God will too open your eyes…and help you realize that life is meaningful. In this Thanksgiving season, I can only be thankful to God for all that He has done for me and I hope that you too can find that light of hope that brings meaning to your life. Live your life as if there is no tomorrow…because tomorrow is just another day that you could have lived today.
May God bless each and every one of you. Have a blessed Thanksgiving!!
